1 00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:31,340 Don't worry about the length of the fingers, sir. You'll find they'll ride 2 00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:32,340 with wear. 3 00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:37,810 And I'm sure you'll find they'll give every satisfaction, don't you agree, Mr 4 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:41,610 Humphreys? Oh, yes, Mr Granger. It's very difficult to distinguish that 5 00:00:41,610 --> 00:00:44,250 imitation leatherette from the real imitation leatherette. 6 00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:50,210 And you'll find that the lining will keep the hands wonderfully warm, won't 7 00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:53,770 Mr Humphreys? Warm as toast, Mr Granger. Yes, of course it will. That's because 8 00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:57,490 it's made of real imitation simulated nylon fur fabric, you see. 9 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,470 Thank you, Mr. Luther. 10 00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:05,090 I wore a pair of those myself last season, and I had quite a lot of 11 00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:06,750 satisfaction, didn't I, Mr. Luther? 12 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,150 I believe you did, Mr. Hunter. 13 00:01:13,759 --> 00:01:16,740 During the freeze -up last winter, you know, when I couldn't fill my hot water 14 00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:20,280 bottle, I wore a pair on my feet, and I got quite a lot of satisfaction, too, 15 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,360 didn't I, Mr. Upley? 16 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,960 What you say, Mr. Lucas, has a distinct ring of truth about it, despite the fact 17 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,320 that you've only been with us two months. 18 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:32,560 As a matter of fact, for the Weiss brother, I don't like him very much. 19 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,720 that case, sir, you couldn't have made a better choice. 20 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,010 Mr. Slocum, that man's been hanging around... around our underwear counter 21 00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:43,010 the past ten minutes. 22 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,469 Oh, dear. 23 00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:45,830 Do you think he's one of those? 24 00:01:46,170 --> 00:01:47,170 One of what? 25 00:01:47,370 --> 00:01:48,710 A bon voyeur. 26 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:53,270 You know, they're the people who look but don't touch. 27 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,310 Oh, I've never been out with one of those. 28 00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:59,030 Are you being served, sir? 29 00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:00,290 No. 30 00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:06,410 Do you have a male assistant on this counter? 31 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:08,310 No, sir. This is ladies' underwear. 32 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,220 I just thought you might have a man to help you. No, sir. There isn't much 33 00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,320 demand for that sort of thing at Graceland. 34 00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,220 Ah. 35 00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:19,660 Well, uh... I want to purchase a bra. 36 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:21,480 What size do you take? 37 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,360 That'll do, Miss Brown. 38 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:27,480 Oh, no, no, no. It's for my fiancée. She's a young girl. 39 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:28,780 Oh, congratulations. 40 00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,980 Have you any idea what size the young lady take? 41 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:35,640 Well... 42 00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:38,390 Miss Brown, go and polish something. 43 00:02:40,570 --> 00:02:43,170 I managed to knock this off when she wasn't looking. 44 00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:44,850 Oh, how clever of you. 45 00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,830 She's a healthy girl, isn't she? 46 00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:54,470 Miss Brown, get out the 44s. 47 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:57,770 The Kilimanjaro range. 48 00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:03,970 Mr Lucas. 49 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,260 Did you beckon me, Captain Peacock? By standing up there near the lift, you're 50 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,300 out of your territory, you know. 51 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,000 Your place is at the other end of the counter to allow Mr. Granger and Mr. 52 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,580 Humphreys first choice of the customers. 53 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,420 Yeah, well, that's all very well, but I mean, I haven't had a customer all day. 54 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,960 Mr. Granger. 55 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,380 Is something wrong, Captain Peacock? 56 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,220 Mr. Lucas was bemoaning the fact that he hadn't had a chance of serving a 57 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:31,220 customer all day. 58 00:03:31,380 --> 00:03:35,000 I wasn't complaining, Mr. Granger. Mind you, if I'm not allowed to earn any 59 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,900 commission, I can probably live for another two or three days before I 60 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:42,360 death. Well, I think perhaps we have been a little hard on him, you know. 61 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,600 I'm sure that my colleague and I could hold back a little. 62 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,200 Mr. Humphreys, are you free? 63 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,480 Yes, I'm free, Mr. Granger. 64 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,700 The next customer. 65 00:03:56,430 --> 00:04:01,190 will be, uh, Mr. Lucas's. Understood, Mr. Granger. Thank you, Mr. Granger. 66 00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:02,190 you, Mr. Rumsby. 67 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,370 Thank you again, Mr. Captain Peacock. 68 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:08,830 Isn't it time for your, uh, tea break, Mr. Lucas? I've given it up. 69 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,950 In that case, your customer is approaching, Mr. Lucas. 70 00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:13,650 Carry on, Mr. 71 00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:14,870 Lucas. 72 00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:16,789 Just my luck. 73 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,370 Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you, sir? 74 00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:24,070 Aye, well, I hope so. 75 00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:30,480 Do you have any good, stout, long -lasting, hard -wearing tweed? 76 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,340 Yes, well, let me think. 77 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:39,120 Do we have any good, stout, long -lasting, hard -wearing tweed? 78 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,480 Something in the jacket line, perhaps, sir. No, no. 79 00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:44,380 Something in the trues line. 80 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:45,840 Trues? 81 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,020 Trues, ma 'am. 82 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,040 Briefs. 83 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,800 Harris tweed briefs? 84 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,400 Briefs. That's trousers, Mr. Lucas. 85 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,940 Ah, yes, of course. Yes, yes, trousers. 86 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,280 Yes, trousers. 87 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,980 And what waist are you, sir? 88 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,360 Thirty -six. 89 00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,560 But forty would be more comfortable. 90 00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:06,780 Thirty -six with foot. And your inside leg, sir? 91 00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:08,460 Measure it. 92 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:19,580 I beg your pardon? 93 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,640 Measure it. 94 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,400 I've always worn the kilt. 95 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:24,850 Never worn bricks in my life. 96 00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:28,390 Just a minute. 97 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:37,570 Mr. Granger, can I borrow your tape measure? I've got to take that 98 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:38,570 inside leg. 99 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,870 I'd prefer that you borrowed Mr. 100 00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:45,130 Humphrey's. 101 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,960 Mr Humphreys, do me a favour. Take that man's inside leg. Don't ask me. I've 102 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:54,960 given it up for Lent. 103 00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:58,180 Anyway, he's your customer. 104 00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:00,760 Well, all right, then. Well, lend me your tape measure. Oh, dear. 105 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,360 But don't lose it anywhere. 106 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:04,600 Hang on a minute. 107 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,360 What's going on? I'm warming the end a bit. 108 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,140 a sporrancer on the left... Oh, get on with it, man. 109 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,320 Now, where exactly do you think you're going with that thing? I'm just looking 110 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,120 at your inside leg, sir. Away, you ignorant satanist. In Scotland, we 111 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,080 measure the inside leg from the outside. 112 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,800 Just about there. 113 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,760 I make that 32, including the sporran. 114 00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:48,200 Do you think it suits me? 115 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,240 Oh, yes, it does, madam. 116 00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:53,410 And those artificial cherries are very youth -making. 117 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,150 Do you think so, Miss Brown? 118 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:59,150 Oh, yes, Mrs. Slocum. Takes years off her. Thank you, Miss Brown. 119 00:07:00,370 --> 00:07:03,470 And that green goes so well with Madam's eyes. 120 00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:04,930 I've got brown eyes. 121 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:06,470 That's what I mean. 122 00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:09,270 The sort of brown that goes so well with green. 123 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,410 Gives you a sort of film star look. 124 00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:13,990 Marlene Dietrich. 125 00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:15,630 She's in her 70s. 126 00:07:16,590 --> 00:07:18,390 Well, she wasn't when she was about 40. 127 00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:40,810 room, madam. You see, we share our accommodation with gents ready -made and 128 00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:44,610 they've got eyes like orcs. I can't wait in their hours for you to come and 129 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:45,309 serve me. 130 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:46,690 Any trouble, Mrs. Slocum? 131 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:48,590 I thought you'd be over. 132 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:52,970 I'm just asking your salesgirl if she's got one cut a bit lower. 133 00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:57,150 How much lower did you have in mind? 134 00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:00,630 I'll deal with it, Captain Peacock. 135 00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:04,430 Miss Brown, get out a 38C platform. 136 00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:06,590 With heavy -duty straps. 137 00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:10,650 Will you take the hat, madam? 138 00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:12,310 No. 139 00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:16,250 No. I think I'll try on a pair of shoes instead. 140 00:08:17,490 --> 00:08:18,490 I see. 141 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:23,990 Captain Peacock? Yes, Mrs. Slocum? Would you direct madam to the shoe 142 00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:26,310 department? Certainly. Will you come this way, madam? 143 00:08:26,530 --> 00:08:29,710 I'm so sorry we couldn't find anything to go with your face, madam. 144 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,930 But no doubt you'll try us again. 145 00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:35,539 Awkward cow. 146 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,700 Mrs. Slocum, they've come out. 147 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:48,020 I beg your pardon, Mr. Mac, what have come out? The transport, the trains, 148 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,140 buses, the lot, look. 149 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,419 They're out. 150 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,420 Traffic, chaos. 151 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:52,800 Up the workers. 152 00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:57,200 Mr. Rumble says there'll be a meeting in his office at 5 .30 today. Read the 153 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,200 transport strike. 154 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,760 Oh, just us heads of departments, all the staff as well. 155 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:03,060 Oh, as... Everybody? 156 00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,990 Does that include me, then? No. 157 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,010 Isn't it marvellous, eh? I'm not even everybody. 158 00:09:08,450 --> 00:09:09,450 I'm nobody. 159 00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:11,930 True. 160 00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:18,410 Well, we've all seen the news. I'm afraid the transport situation is very 161 00:09:18,710 --> 00:09:22,530 But I'm proud to say that Grace Brothers is going to rise to the occasion. 162 00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:23,950 Oh, we're going to man the buses, sir. 163 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:27,270 Mrs. Slocum will make a marvellous clippage. She's got plenty of room on 164 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,310 Don't encourage him, Miss Brown. 165 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:33,440 Now... Which of us has cars? 166 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,040 Oh, drat it. I let the chauffeur have mine. 167 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,340 I had an old banger before the war. 168 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,240 I mean, Mrs Granger made him give her up. 169 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:47,340 Mine's off the road, being prepared for my continental touring holiday. 170 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,520 Oh, you're going to the Isle of Wight again, are you? 171 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,140 Now, is any of us within walking distance? 172 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,420 Well, I could be home by the morning if I set off now. 173 00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:01,120 It's as I thought. We are, in a sense, stranded here. 174 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:05,360 But fortunately, Mr. Grace has kindly given his permission for the employees 175 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,160 spend the night inside the store. Where are we going to sleep? 176 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:09,540 On the floor. 177 00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:10,970 I'm not sleeping on the floor. 178 00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:16,470 I mean on the department floor. On whatever bedding or other devices that 179 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:19,410 improvise. Miss Brahms and I bag the waterbed on the fourth floor. 180 00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:21,350 Only if you sleep inside it. 181 00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:25,490 We're all staying on our own floors. It's been agreed. 182 00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:27,090 Yes, but what about privacy? 183 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:30,490 I mean, we can't all just kick down like Sodom and Gomorrah. 184 00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:33,550 That's fun and egg, girl. 185 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:41,080 Mrs. Slocum has raised a very valid point. I think there should be some 186 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,600 separation between the sexes. 187 00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:45,940 And also within the sexes. 188 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,600 Perhaps the ladies could sleep in the fitting room. 189 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,980 Miss Bronze and I are not sleeping in that pokey hole with no air. 190 00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,840 Well, I'll tell you what, you keep down with the rest of us and I'll get you a 191 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,620 couple of chastity belts out of the novelty department. 192 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,040 Just because it's after half past five. 193 00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:05,170 Doesn't give you carte blanche to be caught, Mr. Lucas. 194 00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:11,010 What we have to do is to improvise. Now, let's all think very carefully. 195 00:11:15,850 --> 00:11:17,510 Camping. I beg your pardon? 196 00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:22,510 Camping. Were you never in the Scouts, Mr. Humphreys? 197 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,130 Well, not officially, no. 198 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,780 Well, if we're going to sleep in tents, I want one with a tout boom. 199 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,900 Miss Logan, I feel sure I can speak for all the men here when I tell you that we 200 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:41,880 will not, as you seem to suppose, behave like mad dogs as soon as the lights are 201 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:42,880 out. 202 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:43,920 Hear, hear. 203 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,640 We're all in this together. It's up to us to make the best of it. 204 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,180 Let's see what we can fix up. 205 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:53,880 Camping equipment, please. 206 00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:04,440 No, well, I can't. No, well, it won't go. I can't get it in, you see, Captain 207 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:05,980 Peacock. Do it from inside. 208 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:07,500 Yes, all right. Get inside, listen. 209 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,180 Get the spigot into the socket. 210 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:10,620 Oh, I'm sorry. 211 00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:14,320 I'm sorry. 212 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,560 I can see that you were never in the army, Miss. 213 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,580 Well, I don't see why I couldn't have spent the night in the toy department in 214 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:25,160 Peter Pan's house with Wendy and the crocodile. 215 00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:28,670 Are you referring to Wendy from the gramophone department? 216 00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:30,090 Oh, do you fancy her as well? 217 00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:33,030 Mr. Horton Peacock, are you free? 218 00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:33,989 Yes, Mrs. 219 00:12:33,990 --> 00:12:36,570 Slocum. Could I have your assistance for a moment? 220 00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:37,810 Certainly. 221 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,570 There's no curtain at my window. 222 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:45,690 I shouldn't worry, Mrs. Slocum. I mean, you'll be sleeping on the floor, and 223 00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:50,210 only a very tall person could see anything, and even then he'd have to 224 00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:51,210 tiptoe. 225 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:52,940 That's what I was thinking. 226 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,140 But apart from that, I mean, one usually finds that condensation steams up the 227 00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:02,880 windows. I can assure you, Captain Peacock, that sleeping on an air bed 228 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,420 army blanket, I'm not likely to get up much steam. 229 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,140 Oh, yes, yes, and there's another thing. 230 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,760 How am I supposed to do the zip -up from inside? 231 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,260 Well, perhaps the best thing, Mrs. Slocum, would be to get someone else to 232 00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:17,260 you up after you're in. 233 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,210 Yes, but what if, for some reason or other, I wanted to leave in a hurry in 234 00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:22,210 night? 235 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:26,830 Well, if you think that sort of emergency might occur, it might be wiser 236 00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:27,830 leave your zip open. 237 00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:30,150 Oh, it all seems very primitive. 238 00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:43,470 Pajamas, lovely white pajamas. 239 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,890 Get your pajamas off me. 240 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:46,430 Here you are, fresh pajamas. 241 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,540 Fresh from the sales discount department. 242 00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:49,780 There you are, missus. 243 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,200 Room for you and a friend. 244 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:55,280 What awful common things. 245 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,600 Oh, well, I suppose they're better than nothing. 246 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,740 I think I'd prefer you in nothing. 247 00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:04,420 Miss Brahms, our sleepwear has arrived. 248 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,760 What size are you? Oh, not for me, thanks. I never wear anything in bed. 249 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,020 I don't like rough things next to my skin. 250 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,360 You're lucky you ain't got me in there with you. 251 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,500 We'll find a safety pin and wear them the wrong way round. 252 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:40,100 Who's in here, then? I am, and mind where you're putting your hands. 253 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,140 Want some charmers? 254 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,320 No, thank you. 255 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,540 mine in the gentleman's boutique. 256 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,660 Anna May Wong rides again, eh? 257 00:14:55,220 --> 00:15:01,060 Are you in there, Mr. Granger, sir? 258 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,280 Are you all right, Mr. Granger? 259 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,260 I'm trying to get my trousers off. 260 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,940 It isn't easy, you know. 261 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:15,980 A pair of bananas, Mr. Granger. 262 00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:23,760 Perhaps it would be more 263 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:27,560 dignified if I changed in the gentleman's cloakroom. 264 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:32,360 Ooh, the things you see when you haven't got your gun. 265 00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:40,300 Mr. Granger, you've left your flap open. 266 00:15:45,550 --> 00:15:47,310 That was very funny, Mr. Lewis. 267 00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:53,850 Now, Captain Peacock, top quality passion killers. 268 00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,110 Haven't you got anything other than stripes? 269 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:57,950 What do you want then, pips? 270 00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:02,570 I think that having regard for my position, I should have something that 271 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,030 me look a little different from the rest. 272 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,890 Why don't you leave the trousers off then? 273 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:10,230 Sorry, Captain Peacock. I'll see if I can find you something else. Yes, do. 274 00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:19,570 Oh, blimey, I'll be quicker to pinch one of Mrs. Slocum's bras and sling it up 275 00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:20,570 as an hammer. 276 00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:22,590 Start here, Mr. Lucas. Oh, ta. 277 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,650 Great. 278 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,390 What am I supposed to do with these? 279 00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,190 Blimey, how did they get in there? 280 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,710 They must have come from the window display. The window display? How many 281 00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,270 -legged men go window shopping? 282 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:42,070 No, it's the bed advert, you see. The he -dummy was getting out one side of the 283 00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,530 bed, and the she -dummy was getting out the other side of the bed. 284 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,840 and I used one pair of charms for two, see? 285 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,740 But I can't wear these in mixed company. 286 00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:54,280 Well, all you do is you put both legs down there and you hop in the bed. 287 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,080 Here. 288 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:02,860 What's your game? 289 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,900 I'm sorry, Mrs... Miss Brods, and I was under the impression that this is where 290 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,920 I was supposed to be sleeping. Not on your nelly cap in peacock. 291 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,800 You're supposed to be in the big tent with Mrs. Slocum. Well, then you take it 292 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,800 up with her. 293 00:17:16,650 --> 00:17:19,390 By the way, Miss Browns, your pyjamas should be on the other way round. 294 00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:24,170 Look, you do your thing your way, and I'll do my thing my way. 295 00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:42,510 Mrs. 296 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:44,050 Slocum? 297 00:17:57,930 --> 00:17:58,930 I can come back later. 298 00:18:01,490 --> 00:18:02,490 No, 299 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:03,990 not at all. 300 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:11,550 It's all right. I've got the stopper in. I was blowing up my 301 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:14,430 air bed and it takes puff after puff after puff. 302 00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:16,330 Can I help anybody? 303 00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,090 No, thank you, Mr. Huntress. I've managed. 304 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:25,550 Mrs. Slocum, what is Miss Brahms doing in that tent? 305 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:27,510 Knowing you, I'm surprised you haven't looked. 306 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:28,749 He has. 307 00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:30,450 And I was putting on me pyjamas. 308 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,190 Captain Peacock. 309 00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:37,210 The point is, Mrs. Slocum, that this large tent is for yourself and Miss 310 00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:40,270 There's going to be no one in my boudoir when I blow out the candle. 311 00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:42,230 I have no other accommodation. 312 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:43,890 Where am I supposed to bivouac? 313 00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:45,910 I don't care, whack. It's nothing to do with me. 314 00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,910 Here. That's right. 315 00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:51,610 What on earth is that, Mr. Max? 316 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,090 Get this to bed, Captain Peacock. Mr. Brown rolled all of it. 317 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:56,840 I'm very thoughtful of him. 318 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,540 He's not there, Mr. Marsh. 319 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,040 Well, it wouldn't go through your office door, sir. I can't sleep out here with 320 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:03,839 the staff. 321 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,420 You can't sleep out here with the staff. Of course I can sleep out here with the 322 00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:08,420 staff, Mr. Marsh. 323 00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:10,860 Don't be silly. Now, how does this thing work? 324 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:15,260 Oh, well, you pull this down, see, sir. I do the bolt, like that. See? Put it 325 00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:18,780 down. Excuse me, sir. Get the little legs down there. 326 00:19:19,340 --> 00:19:20,340 Look, 327 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,880 nice little bed there. You see, really, it should be screwed to the bedroom 328 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:24,669 wall, sir. 329 00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:28,250 You see, so when your bird's father knocks at the door, you press the button 330 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,730 she goes up the wall instead of him, see? 331 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,190 That'll do, Mr. Mash. 332 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,610 An ingenious device, is it not? 333 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:40,830 Yes, most ingenious. 334 00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:42,410 Quite roomy. 335 00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,470 Yes, well, it is sold as a small double. 336 00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:48,010 It might help to solve a slight problem we have, sir. 337 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:49,990 What problem? 338 00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:52,230 Miss Brahms refuses to leave my tent. 339 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,460 Have you tried persuading her? 340 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,380 Yes, she was quite adamant. 341 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,480 You're quite right to tell me, of course. 342 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:03,400 What you do after hours in normal times is entirely your own affair, but you 343 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,580 could hardly go through with this under our very noses, so to speak. 344 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,440 I think you may have, sir, what might be termed the wrong end of the stick. 345 00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:12,019 Have I? 346 00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:13,020 Yes, sir. 347 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:18,160 I had arranged for Mrs. Slocum to have that large tent because I was quite sure 348 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,480 that she would be willing to share. 349 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,540 To my surprise, she wouldn't have it. 350 00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,940 Do you suppose she has heard about you and Miss Brahms? 351 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:30,800 I was trying to get Miss Brahms and Mrs. Slocum together in the same tent. 352 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,140 What, all three of you? 353 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,580 No, sir. I don't want to share with the ladies. 354 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:37,579 Ah, good. 355 00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:38,580 I want to share with you. 356 00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:34,849 Oh, Mr. 357 00:21:34,850 --> 00:21:37,370 Rumble. Didn't you think so, Captain Peacock? 358 00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:42,090 Yes, it brought back memories of the army and the lads. The heat, the sunset, 359 00:21:42,350 --> 00:21:44,130 the endless shifting sands. 360 00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:46,690 How long were you at Bognor Regis, Captain? 361 00:21:48,990 --> 00:21:53,330 Lucas, when you were at school, I was with some of the toughest soldiers in 362 00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:55,230 world, chasing Rommel through the desert. 363 00:21:55,490 --> 00:21:56,810 Some people have all the luck. 364 00:21:58,710 --> 00:22:03,450 Yes, Lucas. Some people seem to forget that men like Captain Peacock and 365 00:22:03,930 --> 00:22:08,010 were instrumental in making this a country fit for heroes to live in. What 366 00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:09,070 you in there, Mr Rumbolt? 367 00:22:09,390 --> 00:22:11,030 Catering Corps. The Naffy? 368 00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:13,470 Not the Naffy, Mr Lucas. 369 00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:17,050 The Catering Corps was a very important part of the service. 370 00:22:17,450 --> 00:22:19,670 The army marched on its stomach, remember. 371 00:22:19,990 --> 00:22:22,090 I suppose they couldn't walk upright for the indigestion. 372 00:22:23,470 --> 00:22:27,990 Unfortunately, Captain Peacock, these youngsters seem to forget what we went 373 00:22:27,990 --> 00:22:29,690 through. Were you in the Naffy, Mrs Sloan? 374 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,930 No, of course I was a mere... 375 00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:36,450 slip of a girl, but I was in air raid precaution. 376 00:22:37,070 --> 00:22:42,250 In fact, that's how I met my husband during an air raid. The bombs were 377 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:46,390 down and I saw his face lit by an incendiary. 378 00:22:47,350 --> 00:22:51,370 He threw me on my face and said, look out, here comes a big one. 379 00:22:53,930 --> 00:23:00,650 I suppose there wasn't much time for 380 00:23:00,650 --> 00:23:01,650 chatting in those days. 381 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:09,950 And when it had gone off, we headed for the nearest shelter, and it was then I 382 00:23:09,950 --> 00:23:12,110 knew that it was love at first sight. 383 00:23:12,710 --> 00:23:14,510 The first bombsight you come to. 384 00:23:15,410 --> 00:23:17,090 Oh, you have got a nasty mind. 385 00:23:18,090 --> 00:23:20,590 Where were you when all this was happening, Mr. Granger? 386 00:23:21,010 --> 00:23:24,150 Oh, I was in Enser, entertaining the troops. 387 00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:26,430 What's Enser stand for? 388 00:23:26,830 --> 00:23:28,370 Every night something awful happens. 389 00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:32,370 You did a grand job, you Enser chaps. 390 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:37,700 Oh, thank you, yes. I used to do impersonations, you know. I called 391 00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:38,980 Whimsical Willie. 392 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:46,180 I did impersonations of Hitler and Goering and Goebbels and von Ribbentrop 393 00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:48,780 Lord Haw -Haw. Whose side were you on? 394 00:23:49,980 --> 00:23:51,580 Oh, I used to do Mr. 395 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:52,920 Churchill as well. 396 00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:55,100 Do your Lord Haw -Haw for us, Mr. Granger. 397 00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:58,130 He was the one who used to broadcast propaganda to England. 398 00:23:58,410 --> 00:24:02,910 Well, I don't know if I can. It was so many years ago, you know. The last I met 399 00:24:02,910 --> 00:24:04,710 him was at a concert in Tobruk. 400 00:24:05,990 --> 00:24:06,990 Germany calling! 401 00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:08,390 Germany calling! 402 00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:12,030 Your English have no chance of winning the war. 403 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,450 The German army is invincible. 404 00:24:19,339 --> 00:24:21,460 It shivers up your spine. 405 00:24:22,380 --> 00:24:26,420 And then I used to do Mr. Winston Churchill, you know. 406 00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:29,100 We will fight on the beaches. 407 00:24:29,620 --> 00:24:32,040 We will fight on the landing grounds. 408 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,660 We will fight in the streets and in the villages. 409 00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:38,240 But we will never surrender. 410 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:43,700 Give us the tools and we will finish the job. 411 00:24:45,070 --> 00:24:46,830 And then I used to raise my hat. 412 00:24:48,090 --> 00:24:50,490 I think you were very brave, Mr. Grinch. 413 00:24:51,690 --> 00:24:53,270 With an act like that, he had to be. 414 00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:57,750 Of course, I wasn't around when all this was going on. Oh, where were you then? 415 00:24:57,970 --> 00:24:58,970 I wasn't born. 416 00:24:59,170 --> 00:25:01,530 But it was the war that brought my mother and father together. 417 00:25:01,910 --> 00:25:04,790 We've still got pictures of him with his black face running up the beach. 418 00:25:05,110 --> 00:25:06,390 What was he, the first illegal immigrant? 419 00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:11,670 Commando. Ah, the toughest. 420 00:25:12,210 --> 00:25:13,210 Absolutely ruthless. 421 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,700 found in her bicycle shed. 422 00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:19,200 He was on a training exercise and it switched. 423 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,260 What are you doing, she said. 424 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,380 Looking for the Jerry, he said. 425 00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:26,440 So she took him indoors and showed him upstairs. 426 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,760 And, well, they just sort of clicked. 427 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,520 Isn't that romantic? 428 00:25:33,380 --> 00:25:35,340 You know, I'm sorry I missed all that, really. 429 00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:40,740 Still, no matter what happens, even in spite of me, Tear -tear drums on me flat 430 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:43,480 feet. Whatever happens, I'll be there at the front the next time. 431 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,020 Dressed as a woman with a ticket for Sweden, no doubt. 432 00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:49,220 Well, I think it's time for lights out. 433 00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:51,360 It's been a most enjoyable evening. 434 00:25:51,860 --> 00:25:54,500 Just like the old Boy Scout jamborees. 435 00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:56,660 It's only half past ten. 436 00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:00,400 Shall I put the campfire out, Mr. Rumbo? 437 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,440 Oh, yes, we don't want to take any risks. 438 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,219 Oh, no. 439 00:26:06,220 --> 00:26:07,760 Churchill's having one of his catnaps again. 440 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:10,080 Somebody better wake him up. It's time to go to bed. 441 00:26:10,380 --> 00:26:11,380 So, please. 442 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:12,580 Are you free, Mr. Granger? 443 00:26:12,820 --> 00:26:13,820 Yes. 444 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,180 Good night, Mr. Granger. 445 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,640 Good night, everybody. 446 00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:18,760 Hey, Shirley. 447 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,320 Fancy a game of ping -pong in the sports department? 448 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,340 No, thank you. How about sardines in soft furnishings? 449 00:26:24,780 --> 00:26:26,920 Get in your tent and zip yourself up. 450 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:31,060 Would you like me to go to the library and get you a copy of The Sensuous 451 00:26:31,940 --> 00:26:32,940 Two copies. 452 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,540 Has anybody set the alarm for tomorrow morning? 453 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,040 I set the burglar alarm for tonight. 454 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:41,980 I hope you catch one. 455 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,180 One for you, sir. Oh, thank you very much. 456 00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:48,380 I'm going to keep my socks on, if you don't mind. 457 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,400 Not at all, sir. 458 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,120 That's enough, Mr. Lucas. 459 00:27:10,570 --> 00:27:14,010 Good night, Mrs. Slocum. Are you standing on tiptoe? 460 00:27:14,310 --> 00:27:15,650 No, Mrs. Slocum. Oh. 461 00:27:19,690 --> 00:27:22,290 Oh, dratic, there goes Miss Topper. 462 00:27:29,410 --> 00:27:30,790 Fire! Fire! 463 00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:32,550 Fire! 464 00:27:35,750 --> 00:27:36,750 Well, 465 00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:38,150 that's dampened it down a bit. 466 00:27:40,110 --> 00:27:42,130 Good night, Mr. Humphreys. Good night, Mr. Lucas. 467 00:27:42,430 --> 00:27:44,510 I won't come out. I've just put cream on me face. 468 00:27:48,190 --> 00:27:50,810 Ah, just think. 469 00:27:51,470 --> 00:27:53,590 Those teeth once did Winston Churchill. 470 00:27:55,310 --> 00:27:56,450 Good night, Mr. Granger. 471 00:27:57,890 --> 00:27:58,890 Don't bother. 472 00:28:01,410 --> 00:28:03,470 You're not going to read, are you, Captain Peacock? 473 00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:04,890 No, sir. 474 00:28:06,390 --> 00:28:07,690 Can you get rid of that thing? 475 00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:10,500 What thing? 476 00:28:11,020 --> 00:28:12,020 The light. 477 00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:13,260 Oh, yes, sir. 478 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,060 There's nothing on my side. 479 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:17,760 Oh, damn, it must be on mine. 480 00:28:18,380 --> 00:28:21,140 Mr. Lucas, you're not in bed yet. I'm just going, sir. 481 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,000 Turn this light out for us, will you? 482 00:28:25,300 --> 00:28:26,300 Certainly, sir. 483 00:28:26,740 --> 00:28:27,740 Not the lever.